Despite the fact that I was living in Vancouver for years, as a prostitute I only crossed paths with a few people that I had known prior. There was 2 men I am thinking about in particular, Mr. Y and Mr. Z. I will start with Mr. Y.
Mr.Y and I had been "friends" for alot of the time I worked at the coffee shop. He was more than a couple of years older than me, but that didn't bother me. He was married I knew, but I always felt that given the opportunity he would totally get busy with me, wife or no wife.
In the very beginning I used to stay in a hostel, which costs money. One Friday night (why do I remember the day of the week? I have no idea), I was at the Main Street skytrain station, but below on the street. Wrapped up in my own mind, I suppose I had the appearance of someone waiting for a bus. I felt a tap on my shoulder and it was Mr.Y. I was glad to see him cause I knew that I could probably get the money I needed for my room from him, plus we were "friends". I knew he would buy my B.S. story that I had run away and had no where to go...so sad, so sad. So we went to have a coffee.
He starts telling me about how he is in recovery, used to be a heroin addict, that he goes to meetings (AA/NA) etc. After the coffee, he did offer to pay for my room. I had tried to give him the impression that I was helpless female at the mercy of East Vancouver's downtown streets. I began seeing him more often. I would call him late at night if I needed money or food or whatever cause I knew he would be around (he worked by himself at night at a company that did screen printing of T-shirts). We would go to his work and hang out, I would get high, and it was fun. We had an understanding, I thought. But I totally knew that he wanted to have sex with me. And eventually it happened. No money exchanged hands, but it happened. Maybe I felt like I owed him, I don't know. He actually had only gotten married a year earlier, and I STILL feel bad about that. As a prostitute you deal with married men all the time, but this was different because I KNEW Mr.Y and had seen his wife at the coffee shop, and I just felt bad about it. Like his infidelity was my fault. And it wasn't. Obviously. I was never in desperate need for sex, I would have much rather NOT have had sex.
Anyways, over time we saw each other less and I was on the streets more. When I DID see him, it didn't take long for him to become what I will fondly (ha) refer to as a "predator".
When we first began spending time together he would just give me money. Like $50 here, $20 there. Regardless if we had made out or not. But sadly, of course sometimes he would come and find me in the middle of the night. When I was junk sick as hell, freezing cold and needing money.
To get to the point of the story is that by the end of my "relationship" (I don't even know what to call it) with Mr.Y he was just like any man on the street. Offering me an absurdly small amount of money for dope and the refuge of his truck for warmth. Promising that we would just talk, about recovery, meetings or whatever I felt like talking about. And I always hoped that's how it would go. He would make it seem all innocent when more often than not, he would make me feel like I had to give him sexual satisfaction in some way. I mean, I WAS a prostitute and I was in his truck anyways...
And you know what? Friends don't make friends give them a -------. I still think about him. It still disappoints me for some reason that he ended up being such a shitty individual. Cause despite my using etc, I did trust him and stupidly thought that he cared about me since we had known each other in "real life" (the coffee shop).
I will get back to you about Mr.Z. More of the same. Just a word of warning, the men that pick up and prey on prostitutes are just regular men. You would never know by looking at them that this is something they do. It is a common misconception that only really gross, hurting men actually pay for sex. And that really is the farthest thing from the truth.
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I got to know...is that Mr Y in the photo?
ReplyDeleteIf so, I hope he stumbles across this one day...like when his daughter forwards it to him and asks if that's him. And when that happens I hope he feels like he's drowning...
xo
No, it isn't him. Mr.Y was actually really good looking, with way nicer teeth. But he is a man, and he drives a truck. Haha. That is why the pic is relevant. And BTW- the only thing I have left from that life is my memory. No pictures.
ReplyDeleteOh, and even if Mr.Y DID ever come across this, he would know it was about him. And hopefully he would check the blog archive, and notice the references to Hep C. That would keep him for more than a couple nights for sure.
ReplyDeleteYou should send a note to his house saying...
ReplyDelete"Hey asshole, did you know you had Hep C too? Ya, I didn't either. Thanks for the memories fucktard."
Haha, no no no. I really don't think I got it from him. But my point is that maybe it would scare him. He was so liberal in his sexual exploits with me and had put himself and his wife. at risk. More than once.
ReplyDeleteBut yes, he is a "fucktard".
totally doesn't matter where it came from or when, just the fact that he's willing to expose himself and others to that possibility, he should be scared...
ReplyDelete"Friends don't make friends give them a -------." it was stated in this blog. Conversely, friends don't manipulate friends with contrived stories and try to get them to give them money (for fake reasons). I'm always puzzled by the notion that men are exploiting women during prostitution. Isn't it really the woman that is exploiting the inherent weakness in men (the drive/need for sexual release) concomitantly while the men exploit the woman's need for money (for whatever reason)? Often people use each other for their own purposes. Just as dehumanizing and degrading as it is for a woman to sell her body, it is equally as dehumanizing and degrading for a man to resort to paying for something that should really only be an act that expresses love and acceptance of each other. Real "love" is doing only whatever is in the best interests of the other person . We do ourselves a great disservice when we can only see how we are being exploited rather than see how we also exploit. Victim/victimizer - both sides of the same coin.
ReplyDeleteI will say two things. People tell all sorts of bullshit stories everyday to get money, whether it be from Grandma or even a loan from a bank. Second,"it is equally as dehumanizing and degrading for a man to resort to paying for something that should really only be an act that expresses love and acceptance of each other" is not at all what men pay for down there. They want to get off. If people actually only had sex when that was the case, "an act that expresses love of one another" there would be a lot less sex happening in the world.
ReplyDeleteBut I will say that if I have made it seem like I am a victim in my blog then let me sincerely apologize, that isn't what it is supposed to be about. I think if anyone saw the men that used to pick me up as real people, that person would be me.
Granted there is weaknesses on both sides, but I find it hard to say that it is equal. I could be biased though......
I would also like to add, as an after thought, one date is not all dates, as one man is not all men. Not everyone is the same, so when most dates just want to get off, others want companionship - I just wanted to be clear with that. And if you read each post you can see that I am, in fact, not made of stone. (but most 'em DO just want to get off...)
ReplyDeleteMaybe I didn't express myself well. Yes, most times people (even in marriage) want to "get off" as there is a physiological drive for sex and it isn't a "pure" expression of love and bonding. But in a marriage the spouse sometimes sublimates their own wishes and sacrificially/freely surrenders themselves for their spouse's needs. When sex is in exchange for money (rather than love,passion, sacrificially etc) it is degrading to BOTH participants. At best sex is a sacred act because it carries the potential for initiating a new life. It carries a silent expectation of mutual caring,commitment, and responsibility for this potential life and parenthood. To ignore this element of the union and the act is to take a sacred thing and make it common and profane. If all it is an act of hedonistic pleasure it becomes merely a "sport" or a "business". In either event it cheapens the experience and the persons involved. Life means as much or as little as we make it by our intentions and our actions. I truly meant it equally - not as an accusation against you. Both the man and the woman are injured themselves and injure the other by making a sacred thing profane. It's a "lose/lose" proposition. I'm not condemning - I'm empathetic to both parties. For a man to pay for sex is somewhat like saying, "I'm too unlovable to ever find someone that would love me enough to have sex with me". And if a woman sells her intimacy to anyone possessing money has to feel used - something like a masturbatory device for a stranger's use. I hurt for each of them. That's all I meant. Didn't mean to irritate you. I'm sorry.
ReplyDeleteYou didn't irritate me but you "sound" like someone I used to know. And I miss them. Anonymous, why are you anonymous? Anyways, I hear what you are saying. If only it were about love, if only.
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading and the response. I love it.