I'm Just Pretending to Drive a Minivan

So, there I was, sick as f*ck, working....waiting for something, anything, anyone to happen. None of my regulars were out and I was desperate. This minivan pulls up (why is it that most guys that cruise for chicks drive minivans?? Interesting....) and the window rolls down and Joe Averagemiddleageguy asks me a few questions. He is into weird shit he says and asks me how I feel about degradation (not a fan of it but if I am sick and the price is right, I can be anyone and do anything. Excusing, of course, being sh*t on or gang banged anally by a bunch of guys, etc.).

He says he has tried lots of girls and none of them can give him what he needs, that most of "us" have hang ups, despite the fact that we talk a good game. I am very curious as to what he is talking about but if he just wants to tell me I am scum and sh*t then I can deal with that. See, I have been called scum before and it was awful BUT in this case I would be going into it KNOWING that it was going to happen. Big difference. He and I come to a mutual understanding that we will give this a trial run, he will just drive around and say/ask me various things and depending on my responses - he will decide whether or not I may be a fit candidate for him and his desires.

Now, degradation is one thing, I mean, prostitution (at the level I was at) was pretty much degrading in itself and is mostly about play acting anyways so that did not concern me. When a guy says that he is into weird sh*t that can be anything. I did post a long time ago about a date that got me to wear his daughter's pyjamas and "walk in" on him watching a porno - and I did it. I one time watched this documentary about somewhere in the states and the prostitutes that work the streets there, in it this girl was talking about how one of her dates that she had known for a while decided he wanted her to go to the zoo with him after hours, break into the monkey cage and have sex with them. Personally, I was told about this one guy that used to pick up girls in Vancouver and would hire two to have sex with each other while he watched and jerked his dog off at the same time. I know it sounds retarded but I knew I guy that sold dope to a girl that did it...

Anyways, you can never know what they mean by weird, weird is defined differently by different people. Like how six inches to me may not be the same as six inches to you. This guy and I weren't going to get a chance to step to far into the "weird" part of his fantasy but just deal with the immediate degradation part of things. His main concern and instruction for me was that no matter what he asks me to do, I have to do it. Fine. I have to do exactly what he says, no questions.

I jumped in the van and am told to get on my hands and knees on the floor in front of the passenger seat. Fine, no problem. Then he is telling me I am scum and all that and that I deserve nothing and that he is lucky that he let me into his van. I am lower than a dog...blahblahblah. I am trying to respond appropriately but since I have no idea what he wants me to say, I was finding it hard to play along. "Yes, master?" Is that appropriate??

I am not allowed to look at him, only at the floor. He is driving around and the eventually he pulls over to the side of the road but leaves the van running. I have no idea where we are, we could have been anywhere. He tells me to get on the seat, after I pull my pants down and shove my ass in the air so anyone that walks by can see me. This is where my problem begins...I would take my gear off all the time for "work" but exposing myself like that is not something I was ever comfortable with. But I am not allowed to ask questions, remember? I just have to do it. Reluctantly, I do what he asks.

He is having me wave my ass around and then unrolls the passenger window. He tells me to stay exactly where I am and not to move. He says "Oh, there is 2 young guys about to walk by on your side, I am going to talk to them". Me? I am mortified. I mean, what a position to be in. I know it seems that I could just sit up and get the hell out of there and I can't even explain to you why I didn't do that..but I just didn't.

He says loudly "Hey guys come over here...come on, look at her, do you want to stick your fingers inside her?" I'm like "WHATTTT???" and he just rolls with it demanding me to stay where I am and proceeds to offer these guy ten bucks to do as he asks. It was at this point I had had enough. I sit up and there is no one there. No guys, no fingers, no one. He was just testing me and I failed.

It was really humiliating, he was right. I laughed (with sincerity and with relief) when I realized that there was in fact, no guys there. I just find this story amusing.

No moral, no life lesson, nothing overly heart wrenching here. Just rather humiliating to recant but here it is...because I'm sharing. I am sure this is something for dinner time conversation.

"Can you believe she did that??" "No, I can't. I would NEVER..."

Tobias' Secret

Despite what the average person might think, it is not only unattractive, hurtin', greasy, slimy, dirty, perverted degenerates who are undeserving of sex from a "real" woman (that last bit was for you, Anonymous) that pay for the service of a prostitute. Hot guys pick them up too. Well, they picked me up anyways. From my perspective they may not even go into it looking for a prostitute and the first time it happens they may just drive by and see something they like and bang - their prostitution virginity is surrendered. And once it happens once...well.....most likely there will not be a first and only time. A first time, yes. An only time, not so much. Not that this is an absolute rule, nothing is absolute.

So, it was into my trap that a young, very attractive male flew unsuspectingly into my evil web one sunny summer day...mwah-ha-ha-ha!!! Actually, I was just on my usual corner when Toby had driven by in his work truck like he probably did all the time, making deliveries or whatever it was that he did with his vehicle. But this particular day was his lucky day.

He was a first timer, I could just tell. He drove by me and immediately pulled over to the side of the road just a bit past where I was. It was very obvious that it was a spontaneous decision. Guys that cruise for girls usually make the rounds....and then are all paranoid and go into the alley and wait for the girl there or something like that. But Toby just pulled right over and I ran to the truck and jumped right in.

His truck was one of those company vehicles with the big cube box on the back. Like I said, a delivery truck of some sort. Anyways, he drove to the end of the block pulled over and we just climbed right into the box from the front seat. Easy, peasy. He was very excited, he told me. I was attractive, I managed to maintain myself most of the time and had more of a regular girl vibe and less of a strung out on heroin/crack one. Of course, everyone has their good and bad days - and this was one of my good days. A tan always helps - it takes the sting out of the track marks perhaps.

We jumped into the back, I gave him a hummer AFTER he paid me and that was that. I got out, we said our farewells and went our separate ways. I was almost positive that I would see him again. I mentioned that he was attractive, hip, hot body and all that. He was the type of guy that I may have actually been intimate with in "real life" had I not been heroin/cocaine dependent, homeless, a prostitute and all other charming attributes that accompany life as I was living it. Toby would have had no problems getting girls but he would be back to see me, they usually do, accidentally or on purpose.

Weeks, maybe months passed. Toby had slipped into the recesses of my drug addled mind and the whole experience had been forgotten. I did end up seeing him again but it wasn't until after I had had my abscessed tooth.

Now, if you have ever had an infected tooth/severe tooth ache, you know how painful it is. Times that by one hundred due to the inconvenience that is added on top by severe drug addiction and malnutrition.

I can't even remember when the whole issue of tooth pain had reared it's ugly head, all I can recall right now is that suddenly it was there with a vengeance. One thing about drug addicts, anything can cause a hiccup in our daily routine but usually never is it worth actual attention, including any physical pain (other than the usual dope sickness pain). I would have to have been pretty near death in order to be forced to seek medical attention.

So, here I am a busy little working prostitute and I get a toothache. Big deal. But then it went beyond that once the swelling started...and grew and grew and make it literally impossible for me to even open my mouth. So how, may I ask, is a girl whose "bread and butter" depends on being able to perform magic whilst a penis is in her mouth supposed to make any money when she can hardly even open it enough accept even the ever necessary crack pipe? It was bad but at first I just adapted. Initially the swelling was just on the inside and I just had to explain to my dates that I wasn't able to give any hummers due to my toothache and most were understanding and accommodating. But eventually, as the days wore on, the swelling became so intense that half of my jaw was twice or three times the size of the other half. Horrible and ugly and made bl*w jobs impossible. (You would think that it would have been a turn off to pick up a girl that is so obviously in the midst of some sort of infection has obvious signs of physical "distress", but in situations like this there are always one's die hard regular dates that can be depended on. They are so in "love" with you or obsessed that even when I had been punched in the face and had my eye swelled shut it was no deterrent. It was business as usual for them). When it got to the point where I could not even stand it (the pain from my tooth) anymore and I HAD to get it taken care of, I called an ambulance for myself. I called 911 right from Carnegie. (I wrote a bit about this experience in my post entitled "Scammin' Round Two" - see it for a description on the way I was treated as a a patient who was also an addict.)

Turns out it was an abscessed tooth but it was not worth lancing (gross) so I was given a round of intravenous antibiotics and then eventually some pills to take orally. I got the pills only after the doctors there realized that the chance I was going to be able to show up daily for my IV antibiotics was slim to none...I mean, what junkie can be depended on to be anywhere at a certain time daily? Unless it relates to dope, getting dope, making money to get dope, etc.

As a result of my dental issues the swelling in my face took a while to go down. My pain was relieved after a few days on the meds but I still wasn't able to open my mouth properly for weeks. I just suffered through the discomfort. I was able to force my mouth open when necessary without telling my dates - very painful but doable.

When I again saw Mr. Toby it was a short time after the swelling had reduced but in the midst of my having to pry my mouth open for any required oral pleasure that my heroin addiction demanded that I perform.

Again, it was split second decision on his part, he happened to be driving by on Main street when he saw me and pulled over, right across the street from the Police station. He was in his car this time and he just drove to some random alley and we did our date there. Again, I was having to swallow (har har) my pain and make like everything was fine. We were not using a condom just like we hadn't the first time. I wish I could tell you we did, but we didn't.

I did what he paid me to do and when I removed him from my mouth there was blood all over him. I guess I had pushed my healing gums to the max that time or it had just ruptured after repeated abuse by my incessant ignorance of it needing to heal. He panicked. I didn't. I understand why he did though. Here was him, average guy that happens to decide to spontaneously pick up this good looking semi strung out appearing girl for a bl*w job and with this decision, and about 4 minutes, had changed his whole "life" or so he thought. Maybe. That was the question, wasn't it?

I tried to assure him that I was fine ( I mean, I could honestly tell him that I was not HIV positive or that I had anything - well, at the time I had no clue as to my being positive OR negative (I had never been clinically diagnosed with anything - not that I had even been to a doctor..), it is only after the fact that I can say it with conviction that I was HIV neg, but the hep c may well have been there then, there no way to know for sure). It must have been very scary for him.

But I bet you he didn't pick up any more prostitutes after that (I never saw him again) and I probably saved him lots of money too. He really should have thanked me because of it, which sort of cancels out any mistake he may or may not have made by picking me up in the first place or any wrong doing on my part by intentionally going ahead with "it" despite my healing medical condition. For the record, I had no idea that I was going to bleed on him and had I known I would have at least used a condom. Probably.

I am making light of a bad situation, I know that and I get no pleasure out of recanting this for you. I bet he never told anyone about this, it is the sort of thing one keeps to themselves and now the world knows his secret (or has access to it anyways).

Hieroglyphics

I signed up for this new thing that allows me to see my lab results before I go to the doctor to have him tell me what the results are. Big mistake. Now I am all stressing until my appointment with my specialist next Thursday. Sigh. I have no idea how to read blood test results, it isn't in casual "is it there or not" format. I see the results but what do all those abbreviations and numbers mean?

I shouldn't have registered for it. Since I have completed my treatment for the hep c I haven't really thought about it. I think of myself as not having hep c anymore. A close family member of mine had it and the treatment worked for him and it is ten years later and his doctor told him he is "cleared". It is gone, that is that. I hope and FEEL like it worked but I never really felt like I had it anyways. I mean, in the sense that I never felt sick.

I don't want to go back to before. It must have worked. I don't really drink and I am generally a healthy individual but I can't stop thinking about it. Hep C be gone.

Pray for me.