I'm Just Pretending to Drive a Minivan

So, there I was, sick as f*ck, working....waiting for something, anything, anyone to happen. None of my regulars were out and I was desperate. This minivan pulls up (why is it that most guys that cruise for chicks drive minivans?? Interesting....) and the window rolls down and Joe Averagemiddleageguy asks me a few questions. He is into weird shit he says and asks me how I feel about degradation (not a fan of it but if I am sick and the price is right, I can be anyone and do anything. Excusing, of course, being sh*t on or gang banged anally by a bunch of guys, etc.).

He says he has tried lots of girls and none of them can give him what he needs, that most of "us" have hang ups, despite the fact that we talk a good game. I am very curious as to what he is talking about but if he just wants to tell me I am scum and sh*t then I can deal with that. See, I have been called scum before and it was awful BUT in this case I would be going into it KNOWING that it was going to happen. Big difference. He and I come to a mutual understanding that we will give this a trial run, he will just drive around and say/ask me various things and depending on my responses - he will decide whether or not I may be a fit candidate for him and his desires.

Now, degradation is one thing, I mean, prostitution (at the level I was at) was pretty much degrading in itself and is mostly about play acting anyways so that did not concern me. When a guy says that he is into weird sh*t that can be anything. I did post a long time ago about a date that got me to wear his daughter's pyjamas and "walk in" on him watching a porno - and I did it. I one time watched this documentary about somewhere in the states and the prostitutes that work the streets there, in it this girl was talking about how one of her dates that she had known for a while decided he wanted her to go to the zoo with him after hours, break into the monkey cage and have sex with them. Personally, I was told about this one guy that used to pick up girls in Vancouver and would hire two to have sex with each other while he watched and jerked his dog off at the same time. I know it sounds retarded but I knew I guy that sold dope to a girl that did it...

Anyways, you can never know what they mean by weird, weird is defined differently by different people. Like how six inches to me may not be the same as six inches to you. This guy and I weren't going to get a chance to step to far into the "weird" part of his fantasy but just deal with the immediate degradation part of things. His main concern and instruction for me was that no matter what he asks me to do, I have to do it. Fine. I have to do exactly what he says, no questions.

I jumped in the van and am told to get on my hands and knees on the floor in front of the passenger seat. Fine, no problem. Then he is telling me I am scum and all that and that I deserve nothing and that he is lucky that he let me into his van. I am lower than a dog...blahblahblah. I am trying to respond appropriately but since I have no idea what he wants me to say, I was finding it hard to play along. "Yes, master?" Is that appropriate??

I am not allowed to look at him, only at the floor. He is driving around and the eventually he pulls over to the side of the road but leaves the van running. I have no idea where we are, we could have been anywhere. He tells me to get on the seat, after I pull my pants down and shove my ass in the air so anyone that walks by can see me. This is where my problem begins...I would take my gear off all the time for "work" but exposing myself like that is not something I was ever comfortable with. But I am not allowed to ask questions, remember? I just have to do it. Reluctantly, I do what he asks.

He is having me wave my ass around and then unrolls the passenger window. He tells me to stay exactly where I am and not to move. He says "Oh, there is 2 young guys about to walk by on your side, I am going to talk to them". Me? I am mortified. I mean, what a position to be in. I know it seems that I could just sit up and get the hell out of there and I can't even explain to you why I didn't do that..but I just didn't.

He says loudly "Hey guys come over here...come on, look at her, do you want to stick your fingers inside her?" I'm like "WHATTTT???" and he just rolls with it demanding me to stay where I am and proceeds to offer these guy ten bucks to do as he asks. It was at this point I had had enough. I sit up and there is no one there. No guys, no fingers, no one. He was just testing me and I failed.

It was really humiliating, he was right. I laughed (with sincerity and with relief) when I realized that there was in fact, no guys there. I just find this story amusing.

No moral, no life lesson, nothing overly heart wrenching here. Just rather humiliating to recant but here it is...because I'm sharing. I am sure this is something for dinner time conversation.

"Can you believe she did that??" "No, I can't. I would NEVER..."